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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Control

God has definitely been teaching me some serious lessons lately. For the past several months, control has been a huge issue that I have been dealing with. There are so many things that I want control over. I want our house in Atlanta to sell; I want to buy a house in Dallas; I want to kick booty at work; I want Blake to love his job; I want B and I's relationship to be perfect; I want it all... and I am slowing realizing that God is teaching me to just let go and let Him be in control.

When we were first analyzing the opportunity to move back to Texas - B and I prayed constantly. We prayed that no matter how the situation worked out- whether we moved home or stayed in Georgia - that we would just be content. And when we were given the OK to move back - we were overjoyed!! But it hasn't been as smooth as we anticipated. And I think that is mostly due to the fact that we quit relying on God to help us through this time. We tried to do it all ourselves. We do have a lot of stressors on our plates right now - we are trying to sell a house in a TERRIBLE economy and housing market; we both started new jobs with new bosses, and new relationships; we are around family and friends A LOT more (which is such a good thing and such a blessing... but it means less B & H time...which is not something we are used to); we are trying to figure out our living situation in Dallas; we are living at my parents' (which again is fabulous and has really helped us financially.... but it is not OURS and I miss having a house of my own...); etc, etc, etc. These are all things that I have been trying to control and have been getting so frustrated and depressed when I cannot get them to work out. I think I have come close to hitting my breaking point - which I always felt like that would be hard to do. I have always done well under pressure and pride myself on my reactions to stressful situations. But not this time. This time it is different. This time God is getting my attention, whether I want Him to or not.

So after a good long run this evening, I sat out on the back porch, looked at the beautiful lake God created and prayed. I sat out there for a long time. I thought about all that was going on and prayed that God would take the burden of control off of my shoulders. I asked Him to take control - to let me relax and enjoy this life and not constantly worry about what is next. I know He has perfect timing and always has our best in mind. I know this too will pass. And I know it is all going to work out.. one way or another. I asked God to give me patience through this time. To calm my heart and ease my stress. I asked Him to help me be a better wife... a happy wife and to find the joys in the little things. In the end, in the grand scheme of things, we are SO completely BLESSED and I now have much more of a peace about things. It is a struggle and I know I will continue to struggle with this, but at least I know I have Someone on my side who is willing to carry the burden for me.

2 comments:

Paige said...

Thank you for your transparency. It was a great reminder for me as well. Love you.

Life with the Kadanes said...

AMEN!! Blessings will follow your obedience!!